TIME WILL TELL

It's time for Beth to change my format and put a new picture in - maybe in my new apartment.



I'm aching a little today and thought to take it easy and come to the library and do "my thing." Only one minute left - so-o be back later. Back already since the computers are not busy I asked for extended time.

As many of you know, my husband, Jim, died on December 10, 2009 and all five children were present in the house before the funeral home came. Beth and Deb flew in on the 8th not knowing how much time he had left. Thank God they did. Their original plans were to come on the 21st with husbands and 9 kids, which they did do also. We actually had a great time together although Matt, Lisa and 3 daughters(plus Nick and Aiden) did not come down. It's two bad the cousins could not spend time together. All in all there were 12 grandchildren and 9 adults present on Christmas day. Mark got a bonfire going and everyone contributed. All the kids enjoyed playing in the snow (so did the adults - snowballing.)

I went back to Wisconsin on the 27th after the morning service in church, following Brad and Beth. We froze to death, ran into a blizzard and made it safe and sound 20 hours later. I stayed two weeks with a memorial service for Jim to share with the Rehfeldt clan and many friends. He had been buried in Jamesville a week after he died. My sisters took me out for a belated birthday celebration and we had a blast, shopping all around and eating at the Olive Garden. We also went to visit the cemetery.

I got home on January 12th and began packing and cleaning. There was no question in my mind that I would move back home at this point. With Beth's family in Beloit, 2 sisters in WI, and another sister (over the border) just ten minutes away. Mom would only be half hour away and sister-in-law, youngest brother's family and nieces and nephews (not to mention the many friends from school and the church I grew up in.) Sorry - forgot brother Scott and family

The Lord is my LIGHT and my SALVATION

Where to start? I truly need someone to sit beside me and guide me in this feeling of emptiness and loss. I manage to pay the bills as soon as I receive them and sometimes even pay down the debt. The realtor has the paperwork in hand and will be taking pictures of the house - inside and out on Sunday. Because of a rebate for the buyers, he believes I could see the house sold by the end of April - if not maybe Mark could handle the final stage and I can "move on."
Maybe if I make some lists of things to do to clear the house of all the clutter and pack things I want to take, but do not need at this time. Also the "Big Brother/Big Sister" are making curbside pickups this Tuesday and it doesn't bother me to donate items versus making some kind of profit. One thing I'll do is place items in the basement I don't want to keep or vice versus?? I do have some things I consider "antiques" - who knows? Mark says I should go ahead and take a china closet with me, but I feel sorry for the guys who will have to carry it up one flight of stairs (if I get the apartment I would like.) I'm having second thoughts about my bedroom set (except the queen size bed/mattress/springs which I do not want.) Five minutes left - must hurry. I am sleeping well and if I get 7-8 hours I don't need a nap. I eat well usually 3 meals a day - even made date bread Friday but a little overcooked and dry. Looking forward to church tomorrow - it was a small crowd on Wednesday night. We are having special speakers since Pastor Shott and Sonie went to Hawaii to see their daughter whose husband is stationed at Pearl Harbor (Navy and to see their only grandchild, Chase.)

Christmas Memories

I just read Beth's blog "Anne with an E" and, of course, she made me cry which I find myself doing a lot today. Can I go backwards? I'm at Juliet and Gary's in Rockton, IL and sister, Linda, is staying here having come from Strasbourg, France for brother, David's funeral. As some of you know, I lost my husband, Jim Ashmore, on December 10th and we will have a memorial service at Berean Baptist in Beloit, WI. I came back to the area with Beth and her family yesterday after driving from Naugatuck, CT. Jim's body was buried in Janesville, WI on December 17th and Brad and Beth went for that and call me right after it was done. (Linda and I went out to see our mother for a hour or so and made a few errands along the way - got back at 3pm.) This has been a crying day for me - emotional about every little thing. Must continue on. On Christmas night my son Mark and family joined Beth, Deb, Luke and families at my house and Mark started a fire in the back yard which turned into a bomb fire with junk from the basement and was still moldering on Saturday. We had great food for the afternoon meal, but no one ate my sweet potatoes (boo hoo.) We were so-o busy that whole week - Christmas shopping, cookie baking with the kids, stockings to fill, presents to wrap. Lots of memories and since my mind is so overwhelmed I no longer can write at present but will get back when the fog lifts.

I was checking my blog today and loved all the wonderful comments. There was one that really caught my eye from "Robert" of Canada who just happened to pick up on the phrase of a song I quoted (which one???) But I don't know how to respond to him (yet). Wordwise Hymns didn't come up???
With Jim going to be with His Savior and Lord in heaven on December 10, 2009, the family has really bonded - sort of. The girls will travel back by car from WI and FL with their families on the 21st. I hope to contact the Red Cross and find out why we can't get grandson here also from his station at FT. Richardson, AK and his wife and son, Amanda and Matthew III. We have not seen him since he went to boot camp.
It was quite rough during Jim's last days putting him in diapers the day the girls arrived which was a great help. All five children were home at his passing and what a great blessing to see them doing some bonding. The memorial was hampered a bit due to weather but went well.
Time up on this library computer. Continue to pray for me as well as Venita.

Giving Thanks

Okay, I was hoping I could click on a picture within the computer, but that didn't work.
I know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel that I am presently in! Of course, I don't know what will appear when I reach that "LIGHT." And how do I assess when I am finally out of the proverbial "TUNNEL." And then we have the saying, "This too will pass." And I love Esther's word, "For such a time as this." (A Jewish girl becoming queen in a foreign land and approaching the king without a prior invitation - which could mean death.) The book of Esther, read it and weep.
Yes, I give God "thanks" for our present trials and continue to ask for His guidance and His will in our lives. I do know for certain that better days are coming whether it be by God's healing power or by God's divine purpose in death.
Thankful? - Yes, for the salvation God has offered so rich and free through Jesus Christ our Savior. And for His provision throughout all our days here on earth - I've certainly haven't gone hungry or lacked a comfortable bed to sleep in at night or necessary clothing for every season.
God has so blessed us with three sons and two daughters and sixteen grandchildren and two great grandsons. We are so happy to still have my 92 year old mother alive and is as well as can be expected. I look forward to many more years to share in graduations and even weddings (youngest is 11 after oldest son's 20 and 22 year old.)
And don't forget the Book of Job and all the horrendous things he went through and still did not curse God and die (as his wife put it.) Job said "Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Can you sing the song?) Something like this: Oh, praise His Name Who reign above in majesty supreme, Who gave Himself - etc., etc.
We gather together to ask the Lord's blessing, We hasten and chasten His will to obey!!!
God bless us everyone

FAITH IS THE VICTORY

(UPON DEB'S SUGGESTION)

(Even though not too many read my blog!)

Jim was diagnosed with kidney cancer on June 14, 2009; a month later he is told he has cancer in his lungs. This is a slow moving type. Three months later (after our vacation in IL/WI - last two weeks in August) the bleeding and pain returns from the mass in Jim's right kidney. He took 11 treatments of radiation - seven minutes each and the bleeding and pain were gone after the second treatment. But now the side-effects are lose of taste and no appetite (he has meds for) and he is determined not to take the cancer med "sutent. He is very weak and continues to lose weight - so far 60 pounds. Once he's down to 170 we will have to be real careful not to lose anymore - all up to him - and I do everything to tempt him with all sorts of foods. But he has one more week for the radiation to wear off and I pray he'll be pigging out and gaining some weight back (not too much though.) I'm helping him with his coat on and off and he's so weak, he stumbles easily. (I pray God will make it all go away and his strength is back SOON.) We certainly appreciate all of your prayers for both of us.

Brother David with diagnosed with cancer of the lungs which was found after seeing lesions on his brain. He is being treated with radiation for the brain for three weeks. They have been told that it is "a losing battle." Only God knows the effects all of our families are going through with this cancer in a brother and a brother-in-law. We've lost one sister way too young and a brother-in-law. We have the support and prayers of so many family members and friends which is a big encourage to our families.

"To God be the glory, great things He's has done," and He will continue to do!!

THUNDER IN THE VALLEY

What wouldn't I do to have a good time? After Saturday night, I'm beginning to wonder. The "good time" cost me $5 (seniors) and the show was "Thunder in the Valley" at Naugatuck High School's football field.
We have lived in Naugatuck, CT for 22 plus years. Since the last kid left home, even before that, I started watching for "free" (usually) concerts or activities. Most of them were on "the green" downtown during the summer months, but a few during the school year. There was even a piano series at the library, but now they are on Sunday or Wednesday night.
When I saw the signs for this "cheap" entertainment, I thought I would try to go. Let me explain that this was a high school marching band competition for 10-12 school bands in Connecticut. They were classified from one to five. Naugy High was class 3. The higher the class the bigger the band which was from Norwalk.
I enjoy band music very much and I couldn't believe the part that the zylophone played in the scheme of things. There were also dancing flags and twirling guns which was a distraction for me, because I was more interested in the playing and footwork of the band.
Now the "kicker" was that the temperature was in the forties and the bleechers were metal. I felt like an ice cube when I finally left after 3 hours which included 1 hour intermission (yikes!) I left after Naugy played. I thought I had dressed warm enough with sweater, velour jacket and 2 velour blankets for shoulders and legs, plus double skirts. I don't believe I moved once during those 3 hours but I was enthralled to listen to the bands. They had a military band "Windjammers" at the end, but I had heard them before and I left.